CharsToday

I DO love potatoe chips...

2012-02-09T09:01:00.000-08:00

Yes, even this much!

Excuse me, while I slit my wrists...

2012-02-07T13:13:00.000-08:00

I suppose I asked for this by my extended absence, but I've spent all afternoon trying to get a template to work. During the effort, I have lost my profile picture and my last nerve. Thanks, Blubber...I mean Blogger!

2012-01-14T21:50:00.000-08:00

No words necessary. This just takes my breath away.

End Of Year Wisdom

2012-01-09T11:36:00.000-08:00

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?

"Morris Feinberg," he replied.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."

"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."

"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man."

"I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a f-ing wall."

2012-01-06T09:51:00.000-08:00

Don't mind me snooping around your blogs. I'm only a year+ gone missing. Checking on old friends has made me, once again, want more.

I'm HOME, I'm Home!

2010-05-17T12:31:00.000-07:00

I just got home last evening, and after two and a half weeks, it feels soooo good. But, it is going to take me at least three days to un-pack! No time to post right now, but will get back to it by the end of the week (I hope).

Anyway, I'll leave you with a little funny my bff Lea sent to me. Enjoy.....

Fact Of Life:

After Monday

and Tuesday...

even the calendar

says

W T F!

Kids talking about the sea...

2010-04-06T08:45:00.000-07:00

There is no comedian as funny as a child.
These are comments of school kids talking
about the sea:

1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight
testicles.(Kelly age 6)

2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)

3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If
you don't have sea all round you, you are in
continent. (Wayne age 7)

4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just
like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more.
(Kylie age 6)

5) A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of
its head. (Billy age 8)

6) My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes
back with crabs. (Millie age 6)

7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade
winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind
didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the
wind come. My brother said they would be better off
eating beans. (William age 7)

8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like
their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant?
(Helen age 6)

9) I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby
brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad
keeps shouting at my Mom, and my big sister has just
got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy
age 6)

10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting.
Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live
in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug
themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)

11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold,
and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)

12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the
water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to
go down on each other. (Becky age 8)

13) On holiday my Mom went water skiing. She fell off
when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it
again because water shot up her fanny. (Julie age 7)

Kids, you gotta love em.

Ebb and Flow

2010-03-17T13:41:00.000-07:00

Ebb and Flow....
They are a couple I know.
She's always running forth
He's always receding, slow.

She gathers seashells
pushing them upon the sand.
He pulls them all back in
with his long, stretching hand.

Tirelessly, she gathers and
deposits them on shore.
He greedily reaches far and
takes them to oceans floor.

She hurries once more,
this time leaving lacy foam.
He does not reach them,
defeated, he wanes for home.

Char Chandler
March, 2010

Day Wear

2010-03-13T16:20:00.000-08:00

This is the normal day wear for Port Charlotte, FL. We are so lucky to live here. Actually he is missing the usual black dress socks, which really sets off the outfit.

Have a good weekend everybody.

I know what it is....

2010-03-08T12:57:00.000-08:00

Now I know what it is--the reason I haven't been posting for some time. Its because I'm too busy reading dozens of bloggers! I'm talking about blogs that just blow me away, wonderful, funny, informative posts that I could never hold a candle to with my feeble attempts. Even tho I have embarrassed myself many times over, during the last year and a half, as I tried to put myself out there.

Anywho, here are just a few of the fabulus people that I visit every chance I get. These people really have IT, and I would be much less if they weren't here for me to enjoy.

Kurt at Monster Apathy~I'd probably never have known so much about farts and farting. Or maybe would not have had the gift of viewing a young naked, stoned guy in a bath tub. He is a joy to read and guarenteed to make you come back for more.

Skyler's Dad at Sometimes its not worth chewing the leather strap for~He is often funny, sometimes serious, and always a wonderful Dad. His posts will show you that it IS worth chewing through the strap.

Jim at Suldog~He writes like a mad man and will make you laugh like one. He loves playing ball and can give you a bonafied play by play of the game that is awesome. His unique story telling is well worth reading (even if you have to fast forward through the sports comentary). He'll make you LYAO.

Miss Yvonne at Yo Mama's Blog~She makes me laugh my ass off, even when she is story telling about old people. (even tho I am one.) I just tell myself she's not really talking about me.

Koe at the half-life of linoleum~Whether he is hiding Christmas presents or trying to reach a skateboard doctor at three am, he is a hoot. (I have just got to ask him what the 'half-life of linoleum' means.)

Eva Gallant at Wrestling with retirement~She is a retired teacher and one sharp lady. She's a great storyteller, informative and funny.

Rick at Sraet~He is his own toughest critic of his writing, whether its his tales of small town
lore or astounding poetry. His words aim straight for the heart.

Erin at Through the back door~ AWESOME poet! Her poetry cries to be published. And, she has the biggest heart. (even when she has to explain the meaning of a verse I don't quite get)

(These are just a few of the people I follow every day. And after they have spoken through their blogs, there's really not much left for me to say.)

(BTW, the jade plant pic has nothing to do with the subject matter of this particular post. BF just helped me repot it cause it weighs a ton, and I thought I share how well it turned out!)

Blank

2010-02-19T11:56:00.000-08:00

This

page

intentionally

left

blank!

(I promise to post something as soon as the fog lifts from my brain!)

Untitled

2010-01-27T23:07:00.000-08:00

There was a time
when heads did turn
as I went about
my living.

Was simple then
being all alert,
always taking,
never giving.

Vanity lived there
ever present,
but gone in
one blink of eye.

Time will tell
the tale of truth
of which we
dare not deny.

Still here awaiting
the singer's choice
of loves' lost
and lovers true.

The joker has
had his laugh
and cupid is
broken and blue.

Char Chandler
1/28/2010

(suggest a title)??

Dementia, Short and Sweet

2010-01-21T08:12:00.000-08:00

A friend emailed me this little funny this morning, and I just had to share it:

Have a great day, everyone!

A Heart Warming Story

2010-01-19T22:16:00.000-08:00

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

The letter read:

Dear God,

I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?

Sincerely, Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read:

Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.

By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.

Sincerely, Edna

Road Trip Home

2009-12-28T11:24:00.000-08:00

Prepared or not, I was certainly annoyed. For whatever insane reasoning, I thought Sunday would be the best day for me to travel from Kentucky back to Florida. NOT!

I left very early and watched the sun rising over Nashville's skyline. Traffic was sparse and I made very good time, getting to Atlanta in six hours. From the south side of Atlanta to Valdosta took 5.5 frickin hours!

I'm thinking that just maybe, road rage can be a good thing at times. At least it kept me awake until I finally got home after 16.5 hours...a trip that usually takes me about 14. Plus, its hard to sleep while shooting birds at fellow drivers.

I swear (and I did some swearing) I could've walked faster than the traffic was moving. I'm talkin about 10 mpr or less....then it slowed down!

I considered flying, but when I stay a week or more, I like to have my own wheels. Anyway, I did have a great Christmas with my family and daughter. For that, I am thankful (AND for not getting a speeding ticket or arrested for giving obscene gestures).

So I'm home, and it feels wonderful! Friday, it will be 2010, and if I manage to get through the night before, I will be cooking my usual fare for New Year's Day. It includes corned beef and cabbage, blackeyed peas and cornbread. Oh, and don't forget to cook a dime in the cabbage.

Happy New Year

Everybody

KY Christmas

2009-12-18T09:19:00.000-08:00

I made it! Evidently, I must have 'speeded' just a bit, having beat my own personal record (again).

Anywho...I'm here with my daughter, ready to enjoy the holidays.

Hope all of you enjoy the Christmas Holidays with the ones you love. And, remember, you are where you're supposed to be.

And, if I don't quit the speeding, I'm gonna be in jail...and I know that's not where I'm supposed to be.

Merry Christmas!

After the turkey...

2009-11-26T20:17:00.000-08:00

The quiet speaks loudly
now that guests have gone
The smell of turkey
though, is evident still.

Alone now, I sit with
my feet up and pain in my back.
It has been a good day
and I am thankful.

I play some old music
to drown out the silence.
From a playlist that I
dubbed "Old Faves".

Melancholy seeps into my soul
Nostalgia sits by my side.
I am tired and feeling old
I miss my family on holidays.

Gator Aide

2009-11-07T20:39:00.000-08:00

Yesterday's golf game was interesting. Do you think you could tee off with this guy only a few yards from you? I was too chicken chit to get close enough to get his full length in frame, but trust me, he was a whopper! Gator aide, anyone?

Did you hear that?

2009-10-26T05:52:00.000-07:00

If my mother knew I was telling everyone this story, she would be sooo pissed at me. But I just can't help it. (and its totally true).

My mother is getting really hard of hearing, but refuses to do anything about it. Last week my twisted sister took her to family night at her church where they have dinner, entertainment and socialize for the evening.

One of the entertainment acts for the evening was a group of ten ladies 'signing' hymns. Mom turns to Kathy and says VERY loudly "I CAN'T HEAR A WORD THEY'RE SAYING". Of course the whole church heard this and couldn't resist laughing.
(Kathy was somewhere under the table).

Moms.....you gotta love 'em.

Hayride Anyone?

2009-10-24T05:20:00.000-07:00

I love Maxine in the fall....

Why She Changed Hotels

2009-10-24T04:07:00.000-07:00

I know that I am being a bad blogger, but I am bummed out and word empty.
So I am just going to share another joke that I received. So enjoy and have a great weekend.

Last week, I checked into the Four Seasons in Palm Beach and was a bit lonely. I thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."

I looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony - a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and I felt quite certain I could bounce a quarter off his well oiled butt.... you get the picture. I figured, what the heck, I'll give him a call.

"Hello, ma'am, how may I help you?" ... Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy! Afraid I would lose my nerve if I hesitated I rushed right in, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage, I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. "No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now."

"Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything baby.

"Now how does that sound?"

He said, "Oh my God... that sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."

Banyan Trees

2009-10-18T16:03:00.000-07:00

Don't you just love banyan trees? My brother was visiting with me this past week and I took him over to Boca Grande to go to the lighthouse beach. It promply rained on us as soon as we arrived, but I took him to my favorite place there called Banyan Street to catch a look at the trees.

These trees are just mystical to me.

I suppose they are terribly invasive when they begin to eat your house...but you gotta love them.

Self Inventory

2009-10-07T09:01:00.000-07:00

I want to have my brows lifted,
to look as if I am
in perpetual surprise
and have those roman shades
removed from my lids.

I want the corners
of my eyes
pointed toward
the top of my head,
not slinking toward my ears.

I want my lips plumped up
to rid myself
of two wrinkled worms
pressed together,
one atop the other.

I want the corners
of my mouth turned up
so I look happy when I'm not.
I want my basset hound jaws
pulled up from my neck.

I want my tatas
looking perky
and my butt cheeks
firm and sassy.
Please and thank you, Dr Plastic.

Char Chandler
October, 2009

Always Autumn

2009-09-30T18:29:00.000-07:00

In her heart,

it is always autumn

with heady aromas

like cider, new mown hay.

She rides the pinto,

the one with spirit high,

who is wont to take them

into gate or barn.

It will be the barn today,

quickly, lower the head.

Close call and fluttering heart,

hands tremble, ragged exhale.

The boy of golden hair,

same color of the hay,

is laughing up above her.

His humor is lost in her fear.

The thunder claps

to announce the rain.

Enormous drops

that pound on roof of tin.

There is electricity,

not related to the storm.

The air is pulsing

as a mellow drum.

He folds her gently

into his chest.

It is her first real kiss,

sweet, soft and deep.

In a hay loft

on a gray winters' day,

in her heart

it is always autumn.

Char Chandler

September, 2009

How hot is it?

2009-09-28T06:55:00.000-07:00

A FLORIDA BLESSING
·If you are not a resident of FLORIDA or never have lived in the hot, humid Southeast you may not understand the weight of this blessing!

· Bless this house, oh Lord, we cry.
· Please keep it cool in mid-July.
· Bless the walls where termites dine,
· While ants and roaches march in time.
· Bless our yard where spiders pass
· Fire ant castles in the grass.
· Bless the garage, a home to please
· Carpenter beetles, ticks and fleas.
· Bless the love bugs, two by two,
· the gnats and mosquitoes that feed on you.
· Millions of creatures that fly or crawl,
· in FLORIDA, Lord, you've put them all!!
· But this is home, and here we'll stay,
· So thank you Lord, for insect spray.
·
· HOLD IT............there's more.....................
·
· YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN FLORIDA IN JULY WHEN. . .
· The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground..
· The trees are whistling for the dogs.
· The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
· Hot water now comes out of both taps.
· You can make sun tea instantly.
· You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron!
· The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.
· You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.
· You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
· You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
· You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
· Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
· You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
· The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
· Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.
· The cows are giving evaporated milk. Ah, what a place to call home.
· God Bless FLORIDA !!

Day at the Beach

2009-09-22T20:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I decided to go to the beach for a while. I took a book and beach chair and baked for a couple hours. (Yes, I know the dangers of the sun, but I ruined my skin long ago by offering myself as a human sacrifice all through my teen years.) My mother used to tell me I was getting too dark and it made my eyes look weird. Well, the boys had started to call me 'bedroom eyes', so who do you think won that one?

It was hotter than hell, but the breeze off the Gulf felt great and I took a nice long walk. As I walk, I am picking up rocks that catch my eye. Yes, some days are shell days, shark tooth days, and yesterday was a rock day. Silly, I know. Anyway, here are some that caught my attention.

Then when I get home, I just can't leave things alone. I started to see things in these rocks. And wallah....look at these:

I am so easily entertained. Oh well, blame it on the heat!

Vacation Plans

2009-09-13T19:24:00.000-07:00

Remember when I requested suggestions for a vacation ? Well, tonight my Twisted Sister

sent me this email:

HOPE YOU WIN!!!

Good Luck!!!I hope that you do not mind, but I entered your name in a draw for a 7 day cruise. I assure you that no sales people will call or bother you in any way. This is completely on the up and up.

I've taken the liberty of putting your name into the draw for a Seven day Six night Cruise on the fabulous new Gypsy Queen Cruise Line ship the ' Dixie Belle'. All airfares, transfers, food and drinks included with dinner at the captain's table as his personal guest,Good luck! I hope you win! The Flagship ' Dixie Belle' is shown below...

Your first night's meal promises to be scrumptious, featuring fillet of Catfish, Hush Puppies and Collards, with all you can eat Boiled Louisiana Rusty Crawfish! Boy, I wish I was goin' with ya'll. If'n ya'll win, make sure to send pictures, especially of the Famous, 'Ole' Muddy Midnight Skinny Dip, with your hostesses Eulla Bell and Krissie.

Since ya'll may have the presidential suite, yu'in's will have a balcony view and the finest facilities. Nothing is too good for my friends!

She is just the greatest, isn't she? Now you can see that Twisted Sister is not just an empty name.

Trying

2009-09-08T08:09:00.000-07:00

I took a phrase and tried
to bend its words
to form the thoughts
within my head.

It would not conform
would not comply
the phrase remained
ridgidly unchanged.

Throwing ink and pen
against a wall just there
A picture formed itself.
Can I build a frame?

Welcome Sister!

2009-09-03T16:48:00.000-07:00

Today, I got a really nice surprise when I opened my blogger reading list. My sister has joined us here in bloggerland! She didn't even tell me! I promise you guys are gonna love her. Please stop by and give my Twisted Sister a blogger welcome.

Where I've been

2009-08-31T13:07:00.000-07:00

Finally, I am back in business. I have been lost in the world of computer problems. I promise to start catching up right away. Sure have missed all you guys.
Hope to get something posted as soon as I've caught up on reading all your blogs.

With a little help from my friends

2009-08-13T23:56:00.000-07:00

It is 2:55am and I am looking through glazed eyed at this screen. It is a tough job, but I am trying to find an all-inclusive vacation spot for December or Jamuary for Don, myself and a couple of snowbird friends from Indiana. The glazed eyes could be from the vanilla rum I am sipping during this process. Everyone leaves it up to me to find the ideal deal. I lucked out last year when I booked us into a resort in Punta Canta, Dominican Republic. It was fantastic and everyone just loved it.

Well, that was just plain dumb good luck...so what do I do now? I have always wanted to go to Costa Rica, but am a little nervous because it seems as if a lot of places there may be more primative than tolerable. So I am open to suggestions...
has to be all-inclusive, 5 to 7 days, under $1k per person. including airfare, and departing from FT Myers, Sarasota, Tampa or Miami, AND in the tropical zone, ON the beach.

Is that too much to ask? I await with with baited breath for your suggestions.

ps-this Cruzan Vanilla Rum is really good with grape flavored cigarellas! FYI

Goodbyes Are Not Easy

2009-08-12T06:57:00.000-07:00

Untitled (you name it)

The mist hangs heavily
over the meadow green.
And the air is poison,
its cruel and its mean.

Furling and floating round
my head and my heart.
Shifting and wafting,
and tearing apart.

Leave me no ghosts to
be haunting my life.
Just leave without thought
and abandon your wife.

Go quickly, and in silence,
hearing no footsteps fall.
No music nor ceremonial
farewells, no tears at all.

No sorrow felt, no turning
of the heart or head.
The vacancy is complete
As our love, I am to you, dead.

Char Chandler
2004

Update

2009-07-27T08:03:00.000-07:00

Hello, friends. I am in Kentucky and will stay for a week or so longer. My sister passed away on Thursday and we had her services on Saturday. She suffered for years with RA and it can be a horrible and crippling desease. She was only three years older than me and I will miss her greatly. My main concern now is my eighty-eight year old Mother.

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and messages.

Family Matters

2009-07-22T06:45:00.000-07:00

I got a sad call last night. My sister is gravely ill. I will be checking in.

Feeling colorless and jaded

2009-07-20T21:17:00.000-07:00

Since I don't feel like a real post today, I thought I'd share one of my favorite poems with you.

Said The Rose

I am weary of the Garden,
Said the Rose;
For the winter winds are sighing,
All my playmates round me dying,
And my leaves will soon be lying
'Neath the snows.

But I hear my Mistress coming,
Said the Rose;
She will take me to her chamber,
Where the honeysuckles clamber,
And I'll bloom there all December
Spite the snows.

Sweeter fell her lily finger
Than the bee!
Ah, how feebly I resisted,
Smoothed my thorns, and e'en assisted
As all blushing I was twisted
Off my tree.

And she fixed me in her bosom
Like a star;
And I flashed there all the morning,
Jasmin, honeysuckle scorning
Parasites forever fawning
That they are.

And when evening came she set me
In a vase
All of rare and radiant metal,
And I felt her red lips settle
On my leaves til each proud petal
Touched her face.

And I shone about her slumbers
Like a light
And, I said, instead of weeping,
In the garden vigil keeping,
Here I'll watch my Mistress sleeping
Every night.

But when morning with its sunbeams
Softly shone,
In the mirror where she braided
Her brown hair I saw how jaded,
Old and colorless and faded,
I had grown.

Not a drop of dew was on me,
Never one;
From my leaves no odors started,
All my perfume had departed,
I lay pale and broken-hearted
In the sun.

Still I said, her smile is better
Than the rain;
Though my fragrance may forsake me,
To her bosom she will take me,
And with crimson kisses make me
Young again.

So she took me . . . gazed a second . . .
Half a sigh . . .
Then, alas, can hearts so harden?
Without ever asking pardon,
Threw me back into the garden,
There to die.

How the jealous garden gloried
In my fall!
How the honeysuckle chid me,
How the sneering jasmins bid me
Light the long gray grass that hid me
Like a pall.

There I lay beneath her window
In a swoon,
Till the earthworm o'er me trailing
Woke me just at twilight's failing,
As the whip-poor-will was wailing
To the moon

But I hear the storm-winds stirring
In their lair;
And I know they soon will lift me
In their giant arms and sift me
Into ashes as they drift me
Through the air.

So I pray them in their mercy
Just to take
From my heart of hearts, or near it,
The last living leaf, and bear it
To her feet, and bid her wear it
For my sake.

--George H. Miles

I'm Baa-aack

2009-07-16T18:17:00.000-07:00

It's been a crazy month for me. I've had every thing scanned, x-rayed, punched, poked, prodded and/or removed. This past Monday, I had surgery to repair a ventrical hernia and that has pretty much kept me down ever since. But watch out, now, I think I am finally on the mend!

I am behind in reading blogs and posting, but am trying to catch up. Thanks to all you guys for cards, letters and kind words. I would especially like to thank Fancy Schmancy for the honest crap award....I am so flattered! It may take me a while to comply with the meme, but will give it my best effort.

I still have more medical activities scheduled over the next couple of weeks, but hopefully surgery will not be required (fingers crossed). So, hang in/on and I'll be happy to drag you along in the process.

Remembering Grandaddy

2009-07-08T13:24:00.000-07:00

Climbing out of the dusty old Chevy in the heat of mid-August, I followed Grandaddy into the canopy of tall green corn. He reached for an ear that normally would have been creamy yellow, but instead a purple bubbling mass was erupting from the shuck. That was the first time I ever saw the the large man cry. It was corn blight, and it ruined many a farmer and a sizable seed corn company that year of 1958.

Back in the old gray Chevy, dust floated in the air after Grandaddy seated himself. He never drove fast enough to create much of a breeze, and the slow speed allowed him the time to check out every one's crops on both sides of the road. He would steer toward whatever direction he was gazing, always veering back just before entering the ditch along the narrow road. "I 'spect Marguarette'll have dinner ready bout now" he said. As we turned into the driveway of the house in town, the Maxwell House Coffee can in the middle of the floor board rocked dangerously. It was truly a disgusting thing, serving as a spittoon for God knows how many days of his chewing tobacco. I righted the can on the hump and read aloud "good to the last drop". Grandaddy laughed, making his large round belly shake under his bibbed overalls.

He's been gone for many years, and I still miss him.

Happy Birthday to me

2009-06-20T02:03:00.001-07:00

Earrings and Things

2009-06-14T18:53:00.000-07:00

Great Aunt Minnie has been gone for many years now. Her last few years she spent lost in the fog and mist that is Alzheimer's. Though it may be tough to find any humor associated with the disease, there were some comical things she did. I will save them for another time as I want to tell you a story that involved her and my daughter, Kelly.

Aunt Minnie always had a tissue or lacy handkerchief in her hand. She used it to swab her temple which, unrelated to the disease, constantly seeped water. I kid you not, and as far as I know, no one ever knew what caused it. When we were kids, we'd always say that her head leaked. She was certainly a sweet old lady and always dressed to the toes. She never left her house without her white hair perfect and her jewelry on. After she died, her husband gave all of her costume jewelry to my mother.

Now, let me tell you that my mother did not need any more costume jewelry. She had way too much of it before that kindhearted gift. Mother had many many matched sets of beads, pins and earrings in every color and style you can imagine. The combined jewelry took up two-thirds of a triple dresser.

One day my daughter and I were visiting my mother and something came up about jewelry. Mother told Kel to go through it all and take whatever she wanted. She pulled out drawer after drawer filled full and we all three sat on her bed, talking and laughing as we sifted through that treasure chest of baubles. Kel chose a few items to take home with her.

Some weeks later, my daughter calls me from her beauty salon and is dieing laughing. She tells me that she wore a pair of Aunt Minnie's earrings to work that day and everyone was commenting on how pretty they were. She replied that she really liked them, but that they hurt her ears terribly and she didn't think she was going to be able

to wear them.

On closer inspection, one of her co-workers discovered they were not earrings at all but those clips that were worn to dress up shoes a long time ago. They have metal prongs on each side that stuck in the shoe to hold them on. Kel said "I was so embarrassed", but then she remembered....and said "Well, no wonder Aunt Minnie's head leaked"!

Okay, so I've been a little behind.....

2009-06-11T11:37:00.000-07:00

I don't know what the hell is going on. Being intent on catching up on blog reading today, I've been leaving comments all over blogdom. When I revisit, my comments are gone....nada....nil....poof, just like that! And, of course by that time I can't even remember what the hell I said the first time around.

Are you guys deleting my comments? Are you trying to tell me something? Did I say or do something to offend you?

Whatever is going on, I now do not have time to revisit all those blogs for a do-over. Therefore, if it happens that those little comment jewels do decide to show up, some of you may be blessed with double comments (which may or may not be duplicates). Just sayin'.

My ring of flower picture

2009-06-05T11:09:00.001-07:00

Memorial Day, 2009

2009-05-25T19:20:00.000-07:00

Irish Joke

2009-05-25T17:08:00.000-07:00

Here's a good old Irish drunk joke for y'all:

Paddy staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, O'Toole. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Paddy sprang up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Paddy woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room. She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'Paddy said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?''Well,' Kathleen replied, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes and the smell of whiskey all over the stairway carpet, but mostly....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.'

Just for you guys...

2009-05-20T18:06:00.000-07:00

Ok, this is for Rick and you other guys who wanted me to post the picture. This one was taken after I finished frosting my hair, but before I quit smoking.

As you can see, I did like to have a little stogie every now and then. Not to worry tho, I am sitting here, as I type, chewing this damn cinnamon nicotene gum, having NOT smoked for eleven days.

I have been trying to keep busy, doing things like shopping at yard sales, and finding wonderful outfits like the one I'm wearing in the picture. Great bargains, too. The sneakers though, seem to be two different sizes. I think the right shoe is a couple of sizes larger than the left. But, it could be these new glasses. Or, it could be that I am just getting too much oxygen.

I'm Smokin -- NOT!

2009-05-18T19:14:00.000-07:00

Okay, this is the 9th day of another attempt to quit smoking. I was going to wait until I was further along in the process before telling anyone, because I have tried so many times before, and obviously failed. But I need some encouragement, a little help from my friends, if you will.

I have tried to quit many times, using methods including patches, inhalers, group hypnosis, lozenges, Chantex, and nicotine gum. Last year I tried the Chantex and had a few months success with it. However, it made me feel weird and nauseous. The nausea kept getting worse so I stopped taking it and started smoking again. On May 10th I started using the cinnamon gum, and it is a BIG improvement over the awful tasting one that they had before.

I have been a smoker for at least 45 years. It is probably too late for any beneficial health reasons, but I REALLY want to quit! I would appreciate any advice you may have to aide me in my endeavor.

Wish me luck!!

Hard Times Are Killin Me

2009-05-04T22:13:00.000-07:00

Since the big economic crash hit and I have lost half my life savings, I have given up a lotta things. Important things like my cleaning lady, lobster, new clothes, Crown Royal, Irish Mist, decent beer and a whole lot more.

The other day, my sister looked at me and said "Good grief Char, you need a frost..really bad" (she's subtle that way). I still have my hairdresser cut my hair, but tonight I decided to frost it myself and save some money. I got all the supplies, but forgot the plastic shower cap. You would die laughing if you could see me right now. I am now sitting here with golden stripes (actually they're still kinda orange right now) under a WalMart bag. It IS NOT a pretty sight. Surely this means I have hit rock bottom!

If this shit doesn't turn blond real soon I am really gonna be pissed. I'm tellin you these hard times are killin me.

Ouch!

2009-04-27T19:14:00.000-07:00

Well, I hope everyone's weekend was better than mine. I spent six gruelling hours in the emergency on Saturday. The Dr tells me that I have torn a muscle in my back-right side. I really cannot associate this kind of pain as muscular. I would swear it is either in or on my kidney, but what can you do? The Dr was once a sports injury doctor for a pro ball team, so I guess I have to assume he knows what he is talking about.

You'll have to excuse this posting for misspelling and general rambling as I have been altered by vicodin and valium since I left the hospital. Without the meds, I cannot walk or move without assistance. Don, my BBF, has been staying here taking good care of me. He is such a jewel!

Since I am now fortified by the drugs, and can sit up a while, I'm off to catch up on your blogs. Looks like that will be my only entertainment until this thing heals. I am a tough old broad, so I'm hoping for speedy recovery.

If I write a poem, will you come?

2009-04-24T11:18:00.000-07:00

Since it seems most only comment when I write one of my feeble poems......

A Novice Writing Poetry

With fine linen paper
and pen in hand
a spirit is wafting
near.

The first mark from
gnarled fingers
touches lightly with
fear.

A phrase is begun
another line
appears upon the
page.

A dotted eye is
watching here a
novice crossing
tee.

Time is out watching
waiting to see
a poem without an
end.

Char Chandler
April, 2009

Home at last

2009-04-23T10:19:00.000-07:00

This is what greeted me at my front door.....my sandpaper vine has bloomed while I was gone. It feels sooo good to be home.

Kelly is doing great after her surgery. Thanks for all of your kind words, thoughts and prayers. She is feeling better than she has in a long while. It was hard to leave her (and Liza), but life goes on. This morning, she was even talking about going back to work NEXT WEEK! That is, of course, about three weeks too soon, so I gave her the mother speech.

Now I am so behind in everything I will never be caught up. I have been trying to catch up on reading your blogs (I read till 1:30am) last night. Geeze you guys have been busy, it is gonna take a while. Also, all kinds of yard work needs to be done as well as cleaning inside the house. Damn, to be as young as I used to be!

Last minute travel

2009-04-10T16:52:00.000-07:00

This is gonna be a quickie posting. I am flying out in the morning to go to my daughter's (Kelly, on the left) in Kentucky. She is going to have kidney surgery Monday morning in Indianapolis. We had thought it was going to be cancelled due to other medical complications, but learned around 4pm that it was indeed going to be done.

So, you can imagine what kind of mess I'm in right now. I did manage to get a flight to Nashville, TN (at twice the price) and my sister will be picking me up there. I'm throwing stuff in a suitcase and have no idea what I need. It was 85 here today, but it is only in the 60s in Kentucky, and I'm sure it is colder in Indy. Following the surgery, I will be going home with Kelly for a couple of weeks, or as long as she needs me (or as long as she can stand me).

All that said, please keep Kelly in your thoughts and prayers. I will try to keep up on reading your blogs and e-mail, but may not be posting much. Have a Happy Easter you all.

Bunny Hug

2009-04-07T08:24:00.000-07:00

My friend was moved to hospice yesterday. This bunny hug is for you, Dee. Please know that I love you and want you to be at peace and without pain.

A Poem for you

2009-03-24T15:33:00.000-07:00

Driftwood

Like the bones of old men, bleached brittle and white
Are the remnants of trees set adrift in the night.
Lying in tiers formed by the river’s ebb and flow,
Where the muddy waters freely come and go.

Their colors are subtle, made brighter by day.
Their textures are varied, thorns washed away.
No life remains in them, no blooms or leaves to be
The changes are inherent, as with you and me.

If only we, of old brittle bones, could lie by the shore
And become warmer and brighter, more like before.
But, like the driftwood, we are forced over and again
To conform, smooth our thorns and endure the rain.

Char
March, 2009

Missing Gregory Hines

2009-03-13T18:21:00.000-07:00

I was never much of a tap dancing fan until I saw
Gregory Hines, then I was hooked! And it wasn't just
the appreciation for his talent, it was the total persona presented by this man. Never could I get enough of watching him dance (or watching him, period). Recently,
I caught a clip of him on tv and realized again how much
I miss watching him perform. He died in 2003 at the age
of 57. For me, I think there could never be anyone to equal the talents of Gregory Hines.

If you haven't seen his work for a while, check out this video and enjoy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z241bcVBaII

Have a great weekend everyone!

Meet Ms Bailee

2009-03-02T07:38:00.000-08:00

This is Bailee, she is my new 'neice'. She is my sister's new Shorkie. Whatta face, huh? Just makes me want to squeeze her. I think she will be the new star of the family, but Liza may have something to say about that.

It was my Mother's 88th birthday on Saturday and she made her debut into the family at mom's house. Liza was also there, and I think she had her nose a little out of joint. Someone was horning in on her turf!

I am assuming all this from pics that they emailed to me, as I am about 1k miles away. I wish I could've been there. The other picture is why I think that Liza had a bit of the old Green Monster bugging her.

It's sunny, but breezy and cool today in SW Florida today. I am finally feeling better after having the flu bug for the past three weeks. I have company coming for dinner tonight (well, actually 4:30--its the location) so I gotta get busy. I also have a friend and past neighbor flying down from Indiana tomorrow to stay for a week. Now why in the hell did I decide to have dinner company tonight, like I don't have enough to do! Just sayin'.

This the feeling...

2009-02-28T09:16:00.000-08:00

This is the feeling I get when I log in to my retirement portfolio and see where I am today!

And this is why

2009-01-31T19:56:00.000-08:00

And this, my friends, is why I put my
rollerblades in the yard sale:

BIG MOON

2009-01-10T12:43:00.000-08:00

Tonight's moon will be the largest for 2009. So go outside this evening and consider yourself 'mooned' by the biggest.

I love moons, and there is nothing more romantic than a big, bright full luna. If you miss tonight's moon, you'll just have to settle for lesser versions for the remainder of the year.

Have a great weekend...and happy mooning!

New Year's Day, 2009

2009-01-01T20:37:00.000-08:00

Last night's dinner and New Year's party with friends was fun. Today, I made my annual feast of corned beef, cabbage and black-eyed peas and had a few friends over, so I was glad that I hadn't awoke with a hangover from all those salty dogs and champagne I drank.

It was a beautiful day here with temps in the upper 70s and a light breeze. We ate on the lanai, talked and later played darts.

After everyone left, I realized I was very tired and donned my PJs and hit the couch to watch tv. As is par for the holiday season, there wasn't anything to watch , and the channel surfing began. Ah ha...#67, the Sci-Fi Channel! It seems they are celebrating 50 years of "The Twilight Zone" with a series marathon. It's been 50 years?! Can you believe it?

Well, I decided to watch a while as I used to be a faithful viewer of the show. Remember how they would feature some really talented actors in these productions? I saw Telly Savalas (he looked to be about 40), Burgess Meredith, and a very baby-faced, innocent-looking William Shatner (who looked to be in his twenties). There were many famous actors with familiar faces, but I couldn't remember all their names. It was such a treat to watch, I stayed tuned for about four hours. I may even have to order the series' DVDs.

Anywho...2008 is now history and I sit here wondering if we are "crossing over to the other side" and are entering The Twilight Zone of 2009.

Happy New Year everyone!

BRRRRR

2008-12-22T00:03:00.000-08:00

Well, I made it to Kentucky and am freezing my ass off. I'm not sure how I made it without getting a speeding ticket as I rarely got under 80 mph the whole time. I made the 900 mile trip in a little over 14 hours (and that is NOT a good thing).
It is now 6* with a windchill of -8*. When I talked to Don in Port Charlotte today, it was 80*!
Now I know how it feels when I tell my daughter how nice it is when I am home and she responds with "Bite Me". It is late & I am in the basement with an electric throw over my frozen feet trying to catch up on reading some emails and blogs. I may not check in again until I get back home!
Here's wishing you all a Very Merry Christmas! Be safe and stay warm!

Short Vacation

2008-12-09T15:46:00.000-08:00

Hey e-body. We are leaving in the morning for Miami...first leg of our trip to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic. It's a short 5 day jaunt and we are celebrating our friend's 50th wedding anniversary on Dec. 12th. It is an all-inclusive package, and we are all looking forward to a nice, laid back vacation. I will take lots of pics and share them when I return. Y'all have a great weekend I'll talk to you when I get back. Take care.

Tired of Turkeys

2008-12-01T08:19:00.000-08:00

Saturday's golf outing included some peaceful birds lounging around the same lake as the big gator from the previous posting. These guys let me get as close as I wanted to and just snap away. I think they are egrets. There are also lots of huge blue heron on this course, but they never let me get close enough to snap a picture.

Anyway, I have had enough turkey till next Thanksgiving! Hope you all had a great holiday.

What the......Buddha's back?

2008-11-22T08:09:00.000-08:00

I must've been under a rock when this surfaced...... I worry about the followers!
But, I am happy to see he chose to incarnate into a younger, slimmer body.

Click on entry title to read entire article. Because I still can't
get this linking thing down!

More on Mammos

2008-10-28T07:26:00.000-07:00

I guess I shouldn't have made light of the mammogram in my last posting. It came back as "suspicious", and now I have to go through the followup procedures. So, on Thursday I am scheduled for a needle biopsy. There is no family history of breast cancer, so I am not expecting bad news. But, it is a "heads up" call to anyone who may think its no big deal to skip their annual screening. I skipped mine in 2007 and what showed up was not there in my previous one in '06.
So, wish me luck.....and go get yours squeezed!

Squeeze Me!

2008-10-14T12:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I had my mammogram done. I had skipped last year, but got caught by my doctor, who wouldn't renew my hormones until I did it. (and, me without estrogen is not pretty). I never get by with the initial screening and this time was no exception...I had to undress and redress three times. OUCH, they have become like hangovers...they hurt more than they used to.

It is National Breast Cancer Awareness month, so if you haven't had yours yet, go get squeezed! Your local imaging facilities may have specials this week or month, mine did. I got mine done for $50. which is about half price, and I am self-pay.

Have a nice day, peeps. And best wishes to all you survivors!

The Dumps!

2008-10-09T15:35:00.000-07:00

That's what I'm in today...the dumps...way down in 'em. I have tried to stop watching the stocks in their perpetual downward dive, but I just can't seem to leave it alone. If I want to wallow even deeper I pull up my Wachovia IRA and security accounts and really sit on the pity pot.

One thing I have quit doing is watching the political news, commentaries and the debates. I don't give a damn who can wink, snort and try to come up with the most derogatory remarks about their opponents. I'd just like to hear a little rationale in discussing the horrific state this country is in. Jesus H., I don't think I can vote for anyone this year!

Anywho.....SOMEBODY PLEASE BAIL ME OUT!

An Old Poem

2008-10-07T14:31:00.000-07:00

12:41:42 AM EDT
Feeling Anxious
Hearing notta

Sometimes I feel the need to read and/or write poetry. Today is neither of those days, however, I won a contest or two with this old one of mine:

Upon the kitchen table, in gay profusion laying astray

Are two dirty coffee cups and two butted cigars in an ashtray.

And I guess you think you know who's sitting here as sure as hell is Hadies

But I bet you all have guessed it wrong....Not two men.......but Ladies!

Tags: poems, Char

This is Liza

2008-04-17T19:50:00.000-07:00

Thursday, April 17, 2008
10:41:39 AM EDT

Feeling: Embarrassed

Hearing: James Taylor

determined to create something...

This is Liza. She has become the star of many friends' and family albums. I had a Yorkie (Abby Lane) for sixteen years. She died two years ago and I said I would never get another. But, how could you not love a face like this?!

Since Liza has taken up so many bytes on my pc, you will, no doubt be seeing more of her. (That is, if I ever master this journal thingie.) <--this being the reason for my embarrassed mood.

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