Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Self Inventory



I want to have my brows lifted,
to look as if I am
in perpetual surprise
and have those roman shades
removed from my lids.

I want the corners
of my eyes
pointed toward
the top of my head,
not slinking toward my ears.

I want my lips plumped up
to rid myself
of two wrinkled worms
pressed together,
one atop the other.

I want the corners
of my mouth turned up
so I look happy when I'm not.
I want my basset hound jaws
pulled up from my neck.

I want my tatas
looking perky
and my butt cheeks
firm and sassy.
Please and thank you, Dr Plastic.

Char Chandler
October, 2009

17 comments:

mo.stoneskin said...

"I want my tatas
looking perky
and my butt cheeks
firm and sassy."

We all do, we all do.

Wine and Words said...

*giggle*. Oh me too, me too. I am actually planning a lower face lift, so as not to resemble blog photo of basset hound, but I need to lose 20 pounds first and it is proving to be more impossible than a freak dance with Michael Jackson at the moment.

Cora said...

The only things I would ever consider letting a plastic surgeon touch are my tatas because, damn it, they used to be sooooooo perky and I really miss that.

*sniffle*

As for my face though, forget it. I'm too afraid I'd walk out of the operating room looking like Michael Jackson. I'll take the wrinkles and wear them with pride!

Cora said...

Pffft! Look at that, you got too Michael Jackson comments in a row. Too funny!

Rikkij said...

Char- I can'y afford the good stuff, but was thinking I wanted my brows to be longer. Was going to go with a black magic marker but could only find red. Some killjoy who shall remain nameless (cough cough erin cough) nixed it tho. Still think it would work. ~rick

Beth said...

I can't say I have any desire to go under the knife or needle for any sort of plastic surgery. I have plenty of laugh lines, but I'm happy to have those!

Char said...

PEEPLE! It was just a joke! I wouldn't have the nerve.

mo - yeah, but guys don't have to worry about it like gals do.

W&W - Are you kidding? I've seen your picture, you don't need anything.

Cora - As the saying goes: Gravity wins in the end. Weights will get those puppies back up there. I'd be afraid to come out looking like MJ, too.

Rick - I may have a brown gel pen you can try. But...WHY would you want longer brows...you mean like Andy Rooney?

Beth - Me either. I'm way too much of a chicken. But, you're young...as you get older you may learn to not love those laugh lines so much. Just sayin'.

bernthis said...

I want my skin to look my 6 year old daughter's. what are my chances?

Char said...

Jessica - There's nothing like a baby's skin, is there. What are your chances of your reincarnation?

Sandcastle Momma said...

Too funny. Why didn't anyone tell us that our faces would melt as we got older? LOL

buffalodick said...

I want all mirrors destroyed...

Woman in a Window said...

I want a brain tuck, a little to the left, a little perk to the right, so that I'm ok with my flab, with the streaks that snake my belly like gummy worms. I mean, I would eat gummy worms! I can't possibly eat my own belly, can I? Know of a good cheap brain tuck? I tried a couple drinks. Only made my belly bigger!

Rick, leave yer eyebrows alone! Now, give me back my Sharpie!

xo
erin

Twisted Sister said...

Your too twisted for words Sis, I hope I look as good as you when I get YOUR age, my my, I believe I have a few years to go, maybe there is hope!!!!!My body with all the scars looks like a road map, from the top of my head to the bottom of my nevermind. Still love ya tho...

♥ Braja said...

Be careful what you wish for....

Indigo said...

Forget firm and perky, I would love to do without so much in the tata department. I'm short and I seriously fear if they don't droop enough, I'll end up falling on my face due to the weight on my chest.

You're laughing aren't you? Good because it is a bit silly at any age not to embrace what you've gone through for those lines and layers.

And on that note, it's entirely unfair that men age to perfection and we droop. (Hugs)Indigo

Maria said...

Oh, me too. Me too. The other day, I was sitting with my ten year old child at the kitchen table and we were talking about who we thought she resembled in our family. On impulse I pulled my skin tight around my face and pulled it toward my ears.

"This is what I looked like before you were born," I told her.

"Did I do that to you?" she asked.

I laughed. Nope, I told her. Mother Nature.

bernthis said...

I will take the tat repair myself